The Act Of Reacting Spontaneously

It's a pretty amazing thing to be open to suggestion. It's always fascinated me that I can decide to write something and just like grasping something from thin air I find a starting point ! The next thing is always to find pen and paper. That's sometimes easier said than done. Also, it's always imperative that I do write certain things down. I don't want to forget them. I may not act upon them immediately but at least I've written something down to see later at some point so that I may roll it out over the pulp, the nooks and crannies of my brain and work with. I never have much of an idea where I am going with it. Is that ever really the important piece of the equation ? If I repeat the words or ideas over and over again in my head quickly, immediately I may stand a chance of later recollecting them. Often I don't win this battle with time and memory. It's a shame because I know that even if I don't know what I would have found that I would still have enjoyed very much going down set path with the beginning outline left by me for me with several words or so scratched rapidly on some piece of paper.
I think I've opened my whole body and existence to being as open as possible to outside suggestion and impressions. I believe in that whole-hearted-bodily-minded-guttedly! I want to have life sweep through me. I want to feel Nature all around me. I must or die! It must be true. I throw myself into everything, I hurl, I flail, I kick I shout, I cry I scream I burn brightly and get close to the fires I build both literally and mentally. I'll singe the hairs on my arm, on my head with few left to sacrifice in such manner.
I'm wanting to be beat up by my environment. It un-numbs me, it makes me feel when I feel the weight of life on me crushing and putting me to sleep - permanently. I'm not ready to be put to sleep permanently! I want to live so much more! I want to experience so much more. I want to be an active participant in life's adventures all around me. I just have to reach out, spread myself out and be caught up in their movement and activity. This is what is important to me.
I'm willing more and more to be burned and charred and thrashed/bashed around. I only have my opinion, only my point-of-view and yet I feel for whatever reason that I must express it and raise my voice for it to be heard. I'm fighting, I'm biting off a whole lot. I may not be saying things that will make me popular. People may wonder if I've lost it, my edge, my balance and yet I think by losing some of my balance that I'm alive once again.
It's so easy to be swallowed whole by the active life and voices of others and their opinions all around you. It's easy to let them sway you and your opinion. I don't want this happening any more to me. I don't want to forget what is important to me. I don't want to stop fighting for what I think is right and needs being said. I'm going against the grain. I'm showing sides and things that are unpleasant and controversial. This whole blog will have more and more of the unpopular and the controversial in it. This is not a nice blog for the faint of heart. I'm going to upset the status quo as I write. I want to think and use my brain and in doing so by writing what I'm thinking I hope to stir yours, too. Let's move together in parts on this. I hope you all speak up and respond.
Now I'm rambling some. I'm going around in larger circles as I collect myself and my thoughts and zero in on certain things. I'm way up high metaphorically in the sky looking down at me and my environment and making lots of mental notes. I'm preparing myself for the thoughts partial and fragmented that will come into my conscious. I can hardly wait : I'm really ready for all of this. I'm going to blog about different things : art, wine, food, love, romance, sex, nudity, relationships, responsibilities, community, and more. Just you all wait! This I hope will be a good forum for me. I hope I will be able to be truly expressive and open and revealing of myself, my instant thoughts and my piecing together so quickly for you all.
I'm all about gut feelings, gut responses, gut deep, quick and visceral and open and unvarnished, un-pretty, un-rehearsed. I don't want to have time to arrange them properly to make them pretty or pleasing or passionless. I want agony and joy and mercy and discovery and rawness and purity of first and most-important observations and experiences. I think they are the best. I don't want to be prejudiced. I don't want to be predisposed to think a certain way. I want serendipity in my life. I want and need and hunger for highs and lows and extremes in my reactions and experiences. I don't want to be always and completely safe. I want and need to have the sense of adventure with almost always one foot dangling outside the prescribed circle of home and safety and comfort.
Let's do this together. I want to say and start many things and see how you would change or finish them. I may know what or how I might have finished them but I most certainly want your input. It's key. I don't necessarily need your approval or agreement with me. We must always agree to accept each other even when we disagree. That's okay. I will add pictures and poetry and drawings at some point. I will break words apart, thoughts apart and reconnect them however I fancy. I will strive to be totally unconventional.
I'm just getting started. There will develop sections to this blog. It will take me awhile to get good at setting up the format and the pages and the areas that you may access. Things will all happen in good time. I will be a bit slower than many ; please have patience. I think you will be stimulated with what I include : parts of this blog will touch you and hopefully make you want to connect and respond to this site. Don't be afraid. I'm afraid and yet can't afford anymore to be afraid. It's already held me back way too long on certain things and I don't have any more time for it or it's foolishness and folly.
So here's to the beginning of a beautiful relationship in cyberspace together and alone all in one. TONY