I have been thinking a lot recently of my little interest in so many new and man-made things. I just don't seem to have the interest or the focus on lots of newer, what I call more impersonal, social and technical things. I'm interested in the world around me and I like to get physical with my surroundings - like digging in the soil and transplanting things. I'm not so interested in looking at life filtered through a computer screen before my eyes. I find that invasive and threatening. It's not that I'm afraid of change; that's not it at all.
I'm afraid that we will all forget our relationship to the world in which we live. As flattering as it is to think that we are supreme and the focus of life it simply is not true. We must try and see and establish our place and our relationship to things and a world filled with more time and activity than we will ever be able to imagine or embrace. I'm not trying to preach, I hate and shudder at even the idea. I'm just saying : whoa ! Take a break, take a look, see what we've done, see how it's affecting things around us, are they good things? We are responsible human beings or should be. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog.
I seem to be always returning to basics and dealing with fewer things than more. I'm interested in relationships, those primarily of people and other living things : how they work, how they interact, how they cope? How do I fit in ? What can I do for myself as well as those around me : how may I add to my life and benefit others by my actions?
I'm not selfless. I'm actually quite selfish. I readily admit it and it's not something to be especially proud of. I have to live with it : I have to temper my actions and respect both the boundaries and the feelings of others. I also don't ever want to be in a situation where I hurt anyone financially.
I seem to be turned inwards and yet keenly aware of things around me. I observe, I study, I ponder, I wander and I record with words, drawings and photos what I see and feel all around me. I'm becoming a bit obsessed with this recording. It's a kind of a mission : live life fully and pro actively and record everything that I can - as well as introduce as many people to each other as I can. I think it's only natural. I don't waste time. I do it quickly and promptly as often as I remember. Sometimes I'm too caught up in something very specific and don't register fully the rest of what's going on around me. It's only later that it comes back to me and I'm reminded of something that I would have liked to have done. Oh well, there's always a next time, perhaps not with the same person or people. At least there's another chance to hone my skills,to reach out, to explore. That gives me hope, that keeps me eternally, hopelessly positive in my outlook and the life I am leading now. It's even more intense and involved than any other time before. Things are good.
Things are in motion, perpetual it seems these days and I am glad for that. There's so much still left to do that I know I will want to do once that I start, stumble upon, get the notion of once I go beyond whatever fears I may have holding me back now, in a moment, the next, the one after that, ... and so on! Cheers, TONY
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