Eating A Mango For Sunday Brunch, May 18th, 2008

I love mangoes , always have ever since I was a young boy growing up in Brazil from the years of two to eight. It was such an exotic place, filled with so many lush, colorful and memorable moments that even today I can conjure up and back though a bit fizzy still quite vivid and intoxicating. Anyway, I ate an entire mango earlier.
My wife had got it at her elementary school and brought it home about a week ago. She was given this mango and not liking them herself she brought it home especially for me knowing my love of them. She had already reminded me twice to eat it as she spotted it on our dining room table in our fruit bowl along with two ovocados and some apples and bananas. You could see the pain and panic registering in her eyes as she spied it still there. She was thinking to herself " why has he not eaten it yet? Will he eat it while it is still good? Will I have to throw it out later?!
I knew that I would find time to really enjoy this lone mango this weekend. I wanted to enjoy it, not rush through it too quickly. There's an art to eating a mango that makes my eyes twinkle with recognition, a bit of that " bad boy " glee in my eyes, too. It's erotic, really the act of eating a ripe mango. How many of you have ? Most people get the frozen pieces in bags at Trader Joes and places like that. I do enjoy those, too but that's a completely different experience.
I spied the mango earlier and said to myself : now. It's time to enjoy this mango. I got a sharp knife and proceeded to slice the green/brown/yellow/red shiny skin off and I could feel it's ripeness and yet still firmness. It was starting to run over my left fingers as the right peeled. My fingers started to sink a touch into it's yellow flesh. I knew it would be messy : I knew I would become involved : I already was. I sliced two pieces off and ate them. I called out to my son and offered him a slice twice, he declined. So I pressed on and my fingers sunk more as the mangoe's juices began to run and stick even more now to my fingers. I was losing my grip on the mango.
I took matters into my own mouth when I sunk my teeth into the exposed yellow flesh. My teeth sunk a millisecond before they hit the thick, large seed. I ran my teeth along the seed and sucked and the fine hair of the seed brushed them and some got stuck between them with repeated attempts to eat this delicious mango. Now hours later I still have some of these soft, fine strands of Mango hair there to remind me of this earlier experience.
I managed to eat all the mango by myself as I carefully would pull back from the seed and with it the hair would follow and I would try and get it's juicy tangled within. It's a delicate operation. I wanted the juice but not all those fine strands of mango hair stuck between my teeth. I was largely successful, too. I did have to lick my fingers repeatedly as the juice is both sweet, sticky and concentrated. I did not mind, it gave me more time to enjoy and revel in this moment, simple yet to the my mind's active imagination quite racy and sexy.
I thoroughly enjoyed this moment and it may explain to some extent why I enjoy mangoes more than other fruits. I'm sure I will find occasions to enjoy many more mangoes just like this one. TONY

Zoofari Thurs eve. May 15th/Year of the Frog Benefit

     Last night my daughter and I attended the National Zoo's big event called ZOOFARI to raise money and awareness of the critical situation of frogs worldwide that are dying off because of too much ultra violet rays coming through than before. I think that's correct. Anyway, we were invited to attend because we helped them for the event and so we started up at the top on Connecticut Avenue.

     It was quite the event, perhaps three thousand people in attendance or more. We walked down the main thoroughfare and had a slow descent because there were so many tables filled with some of the best foods available in Washington D.C. ( many of the most popular and expensive restaurants were present with both owners and top chefs ). There were also many wines poured and represented there. They came mostly from some of the larger houses and were in many cases a bit more generic and widely available. That does not diminish their value. I chose , however, being in the business to focus on the smaller import houses where available ( Wines of Spain, Boutique and Billington ) and sample their wines. I loved the new fruit-forward raspberry and strawberry Spanish rose of Aurelio Cabestrero( owner of Wines of Spain ) and the Two Brothers Chilean red from Billington imports. From Boutique as I mentioned before they poured the Oregon wines from Spruce Goose vineyards. I liked them all, even the non-alcoholic Pinot Noir. 

     It was a slow descent to the bottom of the zoo and we took our time as we greeted people I knew and introduced my daughter . We sampled many foods and were very impressed by the breadth of everything available and the organization, too.

     This was a great event, visually spectacular, wonderful on a culinary level, too. As I said I enjoyed the wines and I did get our local rep to pour my daughter and me a taste of the California brut Gloria Ferrer : always a winner where I am concerned.

     Cheers to a fine evening and to all those that donated their time and energy to making this such a grand evening! Hope lots of money was raised, as well as awareness for the plight of frogs worldwide!    TONY 

Drawing With PAPER:MATE Pens

Often I just NEED to draw and it's always so serendipitous as these urges hit me. They are not planned, not researched, not organized ;they are of the instant moment with not time to think or even act except to find anything - and scrap of paper and and pen or pencil to draw with! QUICK! And that's how I produce some expressions in a drawing form these days. I don't mind. I wish I had something more lasting or permanent than a Paper:mate pen but they are easily available and I do use them throughout my day at work. I always have at least one - more often three or four in my pockets as I push through my days.
I'm lucky to be able to just immediately stop what I'm doing and start drawing. I use the three colors of ink : black, blue and red and I just dive, crash course, grind myself along with these pens into the virgin paper below me. It's very primal, very much a necessary thing for me. It's not especially pretty. I'm driven, I'm edged, I'm pained, pressed and pushed both by myself and whatever angels, demons, faeries or whatever are getting into my heart, soul and later brain.
I just start quickly as if I had never stopped before. It's like I had always been drawing : full speed or close to ahead : FORWARD! I march, I splash, I thrash, I gnash-grit my teeth and I prance as if in a ritual dance, like around a fire with bright flames except this time it's just the blinding virgin white of the paper glaring it's defiance and indifference back up at me taunting me with it's lily-white youth and almost saying : You don't dare ?!?! But I do dare !
I take up the dare, the challenge and I'm damned perhaps either way but I know in my heart that if I don't draw that I will personally feel that I've let myself down and I won't do that. No, no, no. I've got to produce. There has to be my product out there / here for better or for worse. For me it is better ; for the rest I cannot say.
Driven I be and driven I will always stay I feel quite sure. Join me. Tag along, let's see what this old boy still has left in him. Cheers, TONY

Lotta Rain/Wet Dog/Wet Me !

I've just come back from a really wet walk with my dog with rivulet upon stream upon rivulet and puddle and squeaking sandals upon soggy grass and hard rough shiny pavement as I'd care to see or experience. AAAHHHHH ! To be inside and watch this spectacle and not have to be sinking in / living it! But that was not my lot in this day's life and I had to brave the wet and wetter and wetter still elements with an even more reluctant terrior mix that is more afraid of getting wet than me. Understand please that it's not so much the getting wet part that concerns me but the drying off part.
I usually leave the house for these morning walks together with my wife as she heads off to work. I enjoy the few moments we share before taking my walk with our dog. It's nice to be fairly bright and chipper and awake and enjoy these quieter moments with my wife. We both work and it's harder at night when we collapse and basically fall apart into unrecognizable heaps of tired , spent flesh and energy so that even we don't really recognize ourselves. But then that's not the point, we're regrouping and rest is the issue. Anyway, I kept looking out the window as we chatted about our days today and I kept thinking that wouldn't it be ever so nice to skip the walk and just read the paper leisurely and sip my coffee and gaze admiringly out our window at Nature's spender in varying shades of dampness, thorough wetness to drenched sogginess.
I was smart today, I made time before the walk to collect the things I would need on our return : a dry towel by the front door being the key. I got off with my wife with my umbrella while my wife was having trouble making hers open. She was driving so it was a little bit less of an issue for her. I was already starting to feel all the moisture seeping into and around me. Our dog shook her body to get the little bit off at the start. We moved quickly once saying bye bye to me wife : there was no time to lose : get our dog to do as many number ones as she wanted and a number two, too.
We were off to a bad start, my dog not doing any of her business and pulling at her leash to go back home. I had to be firm, I had to be in charge. With these thoughts to bolster me I talked to our dog and walked as briskly as I could holding an umbrella in one hand and the leash in the other. This was also no time for me to enjoy and of the many of the songs that my son has downloaded onto my i-Pod. It would have been to much to balance. Oh well, we moved forward through rivulet after puddle after rivulet and pool and rain pounding down on us as we could manage. It took concentration, fortitude, purpose and resolve. There was not much stopping on either of our parts. Neither of us was especially enjoying this moment we were sharing together.
We did however accomplish our two purposes along our wet walk. I smiled and was pleased. It would have been very disappointing to get home and have all the drying off of our dog to do knowing that she had still to do her business! Oh well, mission was accomplished and now I just had to get her home and dry her off.
That's easier said than done, she dashes through our front door turning int a a mad dog possessed . She runs to our carpets and immediately dive bombs head first into them and then proceeds to turn her neck from side to side rapidly trying to dry off. It's quite a frantic, crazy bursts of energy, dashes and dives into the carpet kind of thing. Crazed. I took the towel and walked to our bathroom and called her.
After the third call our show she came into the bathroom and I immediately closed the door before she could get her nose through and out. We were both quick. I proceeded to dry her off quickly and she continued to dive-bomb head first into the carpet below her. I was having trouble reaching her mop-fuzzy wet head! I did after repeated tries and eventually she was dry enough for me to stop.
Now I had to close doors and get her blanket on our sofa arranged so that she could nest there looking out our front window and keeping guard and warding all strangers away with her barks. That took a few minutes and now as I go up to get some breakfast and coffee I she she is happily / peacefully collapsed on the blanket with her eyes and head down as if nodding in and our of sleep contentedly.
That's one of my walking experiences, there are many and I look for things to enjoy in each and everyone if I can, especially trying ones like pouring rain. Cheers, TONY

Great Day Of Accomplishments

Today I spoke to my brother earlier in the day when he called and that was a great reminder of what I had to do : set up separate blog sites for my various interests : chatpoetry.blogspot.com, chatartist.blogspot.com and chatwine.blogspot.com. This is great! I got all these sites up and running today and I will be able to add to them on a daily basis from now on. You, the reader will be able to access them from now on. I'm ecstatic because it means that I will be able to blog on whatever topics that I want, anytime as long as there is a computer close by. I will also be adding photos, something which has not happened as of yet. Sorry! I'm a slow learner, well-intentioned but slow as molasses where learning new things is concerned. I hope that though slow I will be able to bring to these various tables where we gather around insights that are freah and with new spins that will in some cases blow your minds and stop you dead in your tracks wondering if you have any idea whatsoever about I have just blogged about!?! Don't worry, you won't be alone : I will have some of the very same questions. That's cutting edge, that's what I am all about. I'm not looking for the safe ground. I'm not looking for thr tried-and-true. I want to be OUT THERE and available to all the interesting forces that may be passing by. I want them to pass by and through me. I want to REGISTER whatever it is that I feel as a result! EXCITING!
It's been a great day for me as I have done this and gardened, transplanted and even cooked a lovely meal of a whole rainbow trout, potatoes and avocado and red peppers spread nicely on a bed-leaf of crinkly brown-edged salad with a slice of lemon as a garnish. With all the liberal uses of garlic and herbs du Provence as well as the extra virgin Tuscan olive oil I managed to carry off quite the feast.
I still need to work on my potatoes, not burning them in the skillet. My wife reminded me again of her advice. Next time I will finally apply it and see what results I get.
As I said this has been a grand day. Enjoyed some 2005 red Bordeaux from the Cotes du Blaye : Chateaus something Tigreaux : Water Tiger as I translated. What exactly is a water tiger? It tasted fabulous anyway. Along with that we had some white TARIQUET Gascogne blanc - crisp and lively and thoroughly conversational - pointed, insistent in a nice way. Cheers, TONY

Visiting With My Son Abercrombie & Fitch

It's been quite the experience to walk into this store and to see how marketing a logo results in so many sales. It's always been a bit mind-boggling to me how we don't seem to mind sporting these logos all over our bodies and feeling both cooler and hipper as a result. They do show a lot of belly and hip on those mannequins as you walk into the store that looks like a bungalow on or just off the beach somewhere. It sure does not look like it belongs in a mall. Anyway, I've valued this experience that I have shared.

I was in there just last week and I was looking at the words Abercrombie and Fitch on the shirts, pants, flip flops, etcetera and my mind went to work : Fitch breaks down into the words Fit and It and Itch : : Fit IT The Itch Yeah! You've got IT The Fit - Feed That Itch ! ". I was also going farther as I thought of other word associations : The " B " word : " Itch- B-B-B Sitch ! ". Fit IT With Fitch Like Awesome Without Much Of A Stitch! You're cool, you're rad, bad, never sad when you're in IT the Fitch !
Then I started working with the other word Abercrombie that I found a bit more difficult . There are lots of words and associations here : Honest Abe or at least the great greta great great great great handsome son in his mid teens of Abe , able Abe. Aber spelled backwards is Reba. Cro cro cro black like a crow, like a bird flying high, jet black, shiny. Crombie can become Zombie. Make like a zombie, blind, asleep and walking talking making actually more like a Crombie whatever that is. Oh well, I'm sure there is more here.
I will continue to pursue this. I find it challenging like a puzzle. What can I make of these two words that are so important to wear on our bodies so happily? It's marketing and branding and it's happened to all of us. We all succumb to some form of this merchandising and I'd like to find a new logo and capitalize on this windfall so that I could afford to buy more when my family wants it. The money I'd make finding a good advertising logo for them will help because they sure do make top dollar and more with each and every product that they attach these words that seem random to me of Abercrombie and Fitch. But then this is the " now " generation of this split second when everything is so immediately crucial and not the " then " generation from which I sprung years ago clamoring for Levis and Lees and Christian Dior's Brut Sauvage cologne. There are more choices today, otherwise we are all lured to buy like in the past, just more aggressively. Cheers, TONY

i'M a BASIC kINDA gUY

I have been thinking a lot recently of my little interest in so many new and man-made things. I just don't seem to have the interest or the focus on lots of newer, what I call more impersonal, social and technical things. I'm interested in the world around me and I like to get physical with my surroundings - like digging in the soil and transplanting things. I'm not so interested in looking at life filtered through a computer screen before my eyes. I find that invasive and threatening. It's not that I'm afraid of change; that's not it at all.
I'm afraid that we will all forget our relationship to the world in which we live. As flattering as it is to think that we are supreme and the focus of life it simply is not true. We must try and see and establish our place and our relationship to things and a world filled with more time and activity than we will ever be able to imagine or embrace. I'm not trying to preach, I hate and shudder at even the idea. I'm just saying : whoa ! Take a break, take a look, see what we've done, see how it's affecting things around us, are they good things? We are responsible human beings or should be. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog.
I seem to be always returning to basics and dealing with fewer things than more. I'm interested in relationships, those primarily of people and other living things : how they work, how they interact, how they cope? How do I fit in ? What can I do for myself as well as those around me : how may I add to my life and benefit others by my actions?
I'm not selfless. I'm actually quite selfish. I readily admit it and it's not something to be especially proud of. I have to live with it : I have to temper my actions and respect both the boundaries and the feelings of others. I also don't ever want to be in a situation where I hurt anyone financially.
I seem to be turned inwards and yet keenly aware of things around me. I observe, I study, I ponder, I wander and I record with words, drawings and photos what I see and feel all around me. I'm becoming a bit obsessed with this recording. It's a kind of a mission : live life fully and pro actively and record everything that I can - as well as introduce as many people to each other as I can. I think it's only natural. I don't waste time. I do it quickly and promptly as often as I remember. Sometimes I'm too caught up in something very specific and don't register fully the rest of what's going on around me. It's only later that it comes back to me and I'm reminded of something that I would have liked to have done. Oh well, there's always a next time, perhaps not with the same person or people. At least there's another chance to hone my skills,to reach out, to explore. That gives me hope, that keeps me eternally, hopelessly positive in my outlook and the life I am leading now. It's even more intense and involved than any other time before. Things are good.
Things are in motion, perpetual it seems these days and I am glad for that. There's so much still left to do that I know I will want to do once that I start, stumble upon, get the notion of once I go beyond whatever fears I may have holding me back now, in a moment, the next, the one after that, ... and so on! Cheers, TONY

Listening To Tori Amos' " Cornflake Girl "!

     I'm here at the wine store ... " think you know so much ? " says Tori repeating it over with the piano rolling and thumping/pumping/crying, spilling. , spouting - many whales' energy and intensity just bubbling over at the water's surface ; sort of like with us humans : we need to be expressive! We need to get to the surface as much as possible and share, release, let the air out of our bodies that like balloons fill and fill and fill up with our world's external forces that make us near to burst or spill.... all the while we thirst for more and yearn to get out of our safe-range into adventure and new sensations that we have little or no control over , with even less knowledge of how to deal with the ensuing situation(s). That's what makes it fun is just that! Be brave, brave the elements mental and physical, and let the pieces fly : you may catch some , others will just find a spot. Your paths may cross again, there's a good probability of that.

     Write things down, you'll have trouble recollecting them later if not. The things you want to remember sometimes are those the hardest to remember. That's because you're trying too hard, relax, flow, let things pas over you naturally and try and fully taste, smell, feel, hold, experience them before you release them to go on their natural way. You will grow from the experience, your life will change subtly and soon you will think it changed enormously.

     It's almost the weekend. Time to take a break from the hustle-bustle of selling and down to what's most nourishing to me and thus to my family and everyone that I touch. Have a great weekend.  TONY 

Blogging Late Night Darks Darkers Darkest !

I've made a miraculous recovery from last night : I've recovered my energy I thought had been permanently zapped from me. I'm thrilled. I'm still bleary-eyed having emerged from a really hot bath that tends to settle and warm me as I collect all my mental belongings and have them sort themselves out in me. It's an on-going project that works differently at various times and results in many surprises and nods of approval and smiles of things that ring true and tuggings on my guts and genitals that push me into my cave man status. I like what I experience and learn something each and every time. I'm always enlightened somehow / relieved, in disbelief, in awe, in rapture, in less agony and less fear. It's both cathartic and euphoric, I'm re;eased somehow from my terror and my doubts, allowed to surface for air and more meaningful contacts. I often wonder how I touch others with what I perceive to be simpler/outright/undisguised honesty ? Do I touch anyone at all ?

It's okay as I mostly have to do what I do for myself to give myself some space and some peace from racking my brain and doubting my efforts and not trusting in my wanting/striving to succeed. What do I want in all of this ? Am I able to visualize clearly, to see things I want in crystal clear, amplified, magnified Kodak 3-D ?!?! I think so. I'm sorting through and turning out, myself included so that I can focus more intently on what it is exactly / what I see exactly of what I want / want to be / will soon-eventually be. How precise are my visions of these things? How much have I been able to label and narrow and focus clearly with will and resolve and firm determination on ? It takes constant focus. I have to get these wants/ desires of mine written and studied and worked continuously on STARTING NOW! Starting yesterday, never any time to lose - especially just now when I feel more alive and aware artistically than any other time - ever - in my life. I feel good! TONY

Dead Last Night!

I could not believe how dead and listless : crusty, flaky and OVER I felt last night : like I had been Dyson-vacuumed and everything - all my inards and even my bones and most of my skin and hair had been flushed out of me leaving me very little - little indeed left behind to amass and do anything with ! What was I to do ? I wanted to blog, really : I wanted to rally and yet there was on this time, place and moment NOTHING, absolutely nothing to scratch together, to bind, to mold, to combine, to FIND under things, SO OFTEN I FIND THINGS when I scratch around, when I attempt, when I crank even badly crank myself, slap, spank, whip?!? Should I have resorted to being a bit more violent? Should I have FORCED SOMETHING!? Probably so but I don't know if I would have wanted to share that with you all. I did not want to regret my blog.

I was scared of what I might have written, in desperation, in panic, in quickness just TO BE DONE WITH THE WHOLE BLOODY MESS! Give me some peace, please! I need a rest! I need a vacation! My bones and muscled hurt, I'm certainly not washed up ( au contraire! ) and yet I need a rest, to get off my feet, to relax without feeling guilty about it - that I'm not accomplishing something.

I sat here at the computer and stared at the computer. I scratched my balls. I squinted from the blast of light coming out of the screen : relentless! I cowered, I wanted to hide. TURN OFF the lights please! I glare was too much and hurt. And yet I wanted to write something but what ? What jewels did I have to share with you at this particular point and time, that would mean something, be of interest/ a catalyst to you? I scratched my balls again. NOTHING. Oh well, that's best sometimes. I was so very much at rock bottom and on empty that whatever I might have written would have been raw, unfiltered, crude, black oil, molasses, my nectar unedited and un-fined, unfiltered, too. Would you have welcomed that? Would that have been a meaningful glimpse of kinds, valuable and worthy of having included here? YOU BET YOUR ASS it would, I'm partly smiling, just a small pure one now : I wish I had !

So Here's to the memory recaptured, fined, refined, edited and repackaged of what might have been - what I might have shared. Till the next time. I'm thrilled to have this tool to share myself/things filtered through my seven senses with you - and with me, of course. I learn to in this doing whether easy or hard.

Last night would have just been too hard. Sorry, my lose definitely : perhaps yours, too. TONY