I went to Australia for two weeks this year from February 7th-21st, 2008 and I loved pretty much every minute of it except for the times when the heat combined with exhaustion from traveling got the best of me. That only happened a couple of times. The rest was pretty much smooth sailing as all I had to do was represent myself and my wine store in Cleveland Park, Washington D.C. I had to perform from time to time , actually lots of the time. But there were plenty of times afforded to me to observe and take in all that was going on around me. I did it partly by taking photographs, writing and drawing.
We did not have to do any driving or other activities besides go along for the ride and the events. There was a constant slide show of events for us in which we played some of the central characters. This suited us fine. It was nice to be there with just one other person and to have this all being done for us. It was a wine trip. We were there to visit the wineries and anything else that they cared to show us.
I am telling you all this because I am now ankle deep in a story of our two weeks there in Australia. I'm still only on our second day of being in Australia and already on page thirty-five or so. Good lord! When will it end ?!? I'm going to have fun with this. I'm going to really write about this trip and what I saw and what I felt and did and what it has come to represent for me now three months after our return. I took 833 pictures while there. I'm really pleased with a number of them. I intend to download many of them shortly onto this blog to share with you all.
So, along with the countless other things I want to share, including reconnecting with my Portuguese roots I now include Australia. It was grand! It went from being a caricature in my mind to being a real place with real people that I got to see in their own settings ( not just the wine store's ) and I gained a real respect and admiration for these mostly humble, hard-working wine makers and owners. They aren't arrogant about what they are doing : they are just trying to survive ina saturated and difficult market and find a place for their wines so that they can continue to do what they love : have their dreams realized. That's admirable. I liked what I saw
and was permitted to see close-up and behind the scenes. Thanks. TONY
Monday, April 28, 2008
My Portuguese Roots Reappearing
I spent six years as a child from the age of two to the age of eight growing up first in Rio de Janeiro ( the city proper then Gavia at the edge on a hillside with the jungle just above and the city below ) ; and then in Brasilia as they were building it. I loved this period of my life. I'm happy to go back to it in any ways, mostly small, that I can. I've been recently reading the words and poems I've found. I spoke Portuguese fluently as a child : I probably spoke it better than English at one point. I need to get a Portuguese/ English dictionary so that I can start to better understand what I am reading. I'm also listening now to the music of Maria Rita ( " Agora So FaltaVoce ", " Nao Vale A Pena " , " Dos Gardenias " , " Cara Valente ", " Menina Da Lua ". I'm enjoying just listening to Maria sing and hearing the words again. I'm hoping that somehow all this will help to jar my memory and bring some of the meaning back.
This is a great track to be on and I don't think that it's a coincidence that this is all happening to me now. I have something to do with it, too. Some is chance and coincidence I admit but my desire to explore all this in more detail is all me. I'm thrilled to find and read people's descriptions of themselves like this Brasilian woman : " Nao tenho Perfil. Sou Inteira. Tento Corpo, Alma, Paixao, Tesao. Amor, Sensualidade, SExualidade ... Persigo a Felicidade e busco viver momentos inesqueciveis... ". I do understand some of the words : at least half and I must now begin to understand the other so that I may piece it all together as much as possible. I love languages and that's the one thing that I'm more than willing to go back to school for. With the understanding of another's language you can really communicate and reach a higher plain of communication. Your experience on every level is enhanced being able to understand and speak another's language. I've got so much to do and yet I feel so much better knowing that I am at least each and everyday doing some, bit by bit, one thing connecting to another and then to the next ... TONY
This is a great track to be on and I don't think that it's a coincidence that this is all happening to me now. I have something to do with it, too. Some is chance and coincidence I admit but my desire to explore all this in more detail is all me. I'm thrilled to find and read people's descriptions of themselves like this Brasilian woman : " Nao tenho Perfil. Sou Inteira. Tento Corpo, Alma, Paixao, Tesao. Amor, Sensualidade, SExualidade ... Persigo a Felicidade e busco viver momentos inesqueciveis... ". I do understand some of the words : at least half and I must now begin to understand the other so that I may piece it all together as much as possible. I love languages and that's the one thing that I'm more than willing to go back to school for. With the understanding of another's language you can really communicate and reach a higher plain of communication. Your experience on every level is enhanced being able to understand and speak another's language. I've got so much to do and yet I feel so much better knowing that I am at least each and everyday doing some, bit by bit, one thing connecting to another and then to the next ... TONY
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Bright Future / Forging Full Steam Ahead !
It's funny how I am approaching this whole idea of blogging. People have told me that I should be doing this now for years and I'm thrilled more than I can express that I am finally embarked on this path. I've circled around and around it like a bird circling above it's prey. I have not lunged or dived into anything quite yet. I've set / am setting my stage so to speak and I have every intention of plunging into - deep down into whatever this self-exploration is of mine. I want to know myself and my world better , especially how we can relate to each other and grow from this contact. It's exciting and I fear it , too. I'm scared, have been and yet I know it's my only course and I can't delay much longer. I need to show some pith and some more flesh below the skin - not just more flesh. I need to be raw and brutal in my remarks. I cannot afford to spare anyone or anything. I have to submerge my whole being in whatever I write about, writing almost as it is actually - physically / emotionally / in-my-dreams-fantasies , second-by-split-second happening to me. AUTHENTICITY/ typicity, honesty, actuality and specific regionality. Unfiltered, un-fined, undefined, unedited, unrehearsed, raw, gut animal emotion and intensity that spans the highest highs and the lowest lows and the most boring, put-one-to-sleep middles possible. That's my mission - all focused both inward and outward at the same moment. How do I fit, how do I react, what do I react to ?!? I'm circling and at any minute I'll be swooping, scooping, pooping, peeing, pissing on all the infidel/false/fakes of this wonderful world that we all are lucky enough just to be witness more or less or not at all to... TONY
It's A Special Birthday Today
Life is especially special on a birthday counting everything together from that person's special celebration and then all the everyday things that naturally occur with some rhyme, some reason - sometimes none at all. It all just sort of happens and you never know when or why and so often you just have to deal or not, remember or not - and move on. Life has to have motion in it. It's best to have activity and to have a sense of purpose. Today's is to celebrate the life of someone special that we are so happy to have in our lives. It's a time to reflect on the special bonds that we have forged between the family - those ties that are strong and sometimes loose and tenuous and sometimes indelible and inscrutable and binding and maddening and thrilling and enthralling / appalling - pleasing.
We love him, he's special and gifted and talented and theatrical and totally high maintenance though he does not know it or acknowledge it. That's okay. We celebrate his life and all that he adds to ours. It sure would be another world to us without him to add and color ours. He's got such a great smile even with braces. He lights up the room when he smiles. He got texting for his big birthday present. That's what he wanted most. He's talking now, was texting earlier. That's cool even though people don't say that any more. It's a generational thing, adjusting to new expressions and things that are popular today.
Today we got an " new " used tred mill and a " new " used desk. For one we paid nothing but offered up a bottle of French 2005 biodynamic country red blend in exchange, and the other we paid $10. They are both here installed and in place and the world here has shifted just ever so slightly as we made and arranged room in our lives for these two new/old things. Soon we will go malling - to the mall - to the BIG mall called Tysons! I hate it but he loves it : so off we go after lunch. That's cool with us. Even my other half will come with us this time. It will be just the merry three of us in search of new/exciting experiences - shared and that will bring us closer on this special day and help us focus even more on this special bond that he gives us and everyone that his life has touched in the past and now. WOW. Heady stuff, so primal, so personal, so life-sustaining with hope and promise and happiness spread all round. Than k you Oh Special One for being such a wonder and a wiz and a great addition to our lives. TONY
We love him, he's special and gifted and talented and theatrical and totally high maintenance though he does not know it or acknowledge it. That's okay. We celebrate his life and all that he adds to ours. It sure would be another world to us without him to add and color ours. He's got such a great smile even with braces. He lights up the room when he smiles. He got texting for his big birthday present. That's what he wanted most. He's talking now, was texting earlier. That's cool even though people don't say that any more. It's a generational thing, adjusting to new expressions and things that are popular today.
Today we got an " new " used tred mill and a " new " used desk. For one we paid nothing but offered up a bottle of French 2005 biodynamic country red blend in exchange, and the other we paid $10. They are both here installed and in place and the world here has shifted just ever so slightly as we made and arranged room in our lives for these two new/old things. Soon we will go malling - to the mall - to the BIG mall called Tysons! I hate it but he loves it : so off we go after lunch. That's cool with us. Even my other half will come with us this time. It will be just the merry three of us in search of new/exciting experiences - shared and that will bring us closer on this special day and help us focus even more on this special bond that he gives us and everyone that his life has touched in the past and now. WOW. Heady stuff, so primal, so personal, so life-sustaining with hope and promise and happiness spread all round. Than k you Oh Special One for being such a wonder and a wiz and a great addition to our lives. TONY
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Saturday Evening / Weekend Starts
It's finally the beginning of the weekend for me and I'm feeling the rush of relief and enthusiasm that I get when I know that the next two days will in part be mine, in part be my family's. We share everything; or at least many things. There are just some things that are difficult to share. I barely acknowledge them for fear of setting off something tumultuous in me/ my life : so how can I possibly share them with my family. YET, That's precisely what I should be doing. Why am I holding back, what's so fearful about that anyway ? What do I have to hide ? What's so evil hiding inside of me ?
I'm relieved, really to begin such a frank conversation. It's easier with strangers. It's exciting, like revealing some extra skin - the skinny on me/ on things pertaining to how I perceive things. What a bunch of mumbo jumbo! What a crock! Who am I kidding ? Who am I impressing? I should get a life. I do have a life. I do do many things, all the time. I'm so busy doing things that I have trouble fixing on what's most important to me now : reaching - for - out - stretching - I'm exposing more of myself to myself for examination and setting myself up to succeed or fail at first till I try again then again then once more. Anyway, it's imperative that I move in this direction. Of this I have never been more sure of than just about anything else in my life that touches me and my life at this particular time.
What's so important about now? I don't have time to throw away any more. This IS my time. This is the turning point. I'm ready to come clean, to take the risk of another movement to expose more of what I'm thinking and planning. My plan is a bit vague, I know it's not really fully-formed. It's just a lot of sensations coming into focus more clearly than ever before. I've never felt more acutely aware of myself and my present situation whatever that is ? Who cares/ Why should I ?
I do care. I hope I'm not vain or at least too vain. I want to be humble, to be thankful, to be grateful for what I have. I want to reach out to more people that may respond to my thoughts so spontaneous and so quickly linked from one to another that I most surely would not be able to retrace my steps and get back to where I started. That's okay. That's fine by me. Let's hear it for making / taking some big / bigger steps than usual. It's a step after a step after another that will finally bring me to another vantage point that may be of more impact on my life and it's direction that I could have possibly ever imagined before. I'll let you know soon. Cheers, TONY
I'm relieved, really to begin such a frank conversation. It's easier with strangers. It's exciting, like revealing some extra skin - the skinny on me/ on things pertaining to how I perceive things. What a bunch of mumbo jumbo! What a crock! Who am I kidding ? Who am I impressing? I should get a life. I do have a life. I do do many things, all the time. I'm so busy doing things that I have trouble fixing on what's most important to me now : reaching - for - out - stretching - I'm exposing more of myself to myself for examination and setting myself up to succeed or fail at first till I try again then again then once more. Anyway, it's imperative that I move in this direction. Of this I have never been more sure of than just about anything else in my life that touches me and my life at this particular time.
What's so important about now? I don't have time to throw away any more. This IS my time. This is the turning point. I'm ready to come clean, to take the risk of another movement to expose more of what I'm thinking and planning. My plan is a bit vague, I know it's not really fully-formed. It's just a lot of sensations coming into focus more clearly than ever before. I've never felt more acutely aware of myself and my present situation whatever that is ? Who cares/ Why should I ?
I do care. I hope I'm not vain or at least too vain. I want to be humble, to be thankful, to be grateful for what I have. I want to reach out to more people that may respond to my thoughts so spontaneous and so quickly linked from one to another that I most surely would not be able to retrace my steps and get back to where I started. That's okay. That's fine by me. Let's hear it for making / taking some big / bigger steps than usual. It's a step after a step after another that will finally bring me to another vantage point that may be of more impact on my life and it's direction that I could have possibly ever imagined before. I'll let you know soon. Cheers, TONY
Friday, April 25, 2008
When Thinking Mires Acting Up / Out
It's a fascinating thing this sitting back, gathering, assessing, going over past events and not so much those still to come. I like thinking over things that have occurred and yet I see the constant need to continue and to plan for those that you can help to make happen in some fashion or another. It's scary. What will your efforts produce ? Are you ready to deal with them ? Will you like them more than you dislike them ? Does it really matter one way or another ? You bet it does.
It matters so much that you act and yet you have to act with a sense of responsibility. That's what I don't see much of anymore in many aspects of life all around us. No one is to blame, no one is responsible, what they did could not have caused this or that, no way! They argue it well, convincingly and adamantly. Their acts were so small and insignificant in the scheme of things that they could not have been what resulted in causing such and such a situation. They should be both flogged and ashamed of such excuses. We're all responsible, everything we do impacts on others even if we do not realize it. People around us notice us and our actions are felt by them in some form or another : hopefully good. But we can't leave everything to chance and unattended.
It's one of my biggest pet peeves that we are rewarded for making and having money at whatever cost. We don't look deeply into it. We don't ponder it, we just see the persons and their money and what material possessions they have. We're happy to be invited out and entertained when someone else is paying and we tend to look the other way and rationalize and say that this one time won't matter/ won't make the difference. It does, it has, it has already shaped they way our culture has permitted many things to go unattended, unnoticed : swept under the carpet until the carpet gets so lumpy that someone inadvertently trip over it and hurts themselves. We end to sweep them under the carpet, too.
Life's grand, don't get me wrong. I'm an optimist and believe in the good of people. I want to see the good, to have it flourish and prosper. But people and their actions do need to be attended to : addressed by them and by us. We have to coexist in harmony and it sure would be nice if we could finally find a way to live in peace. What's all this killing about anyway ? Why are we always fighting physically and killing with guns and knives, arrows and pans ? Why all the violence?
Anyway, I think it's important to act and to reach out and to embrace the unknown, at least to some extent. That's how I hope to lead my life, how I have led it so far. We come up against some situations that are not to our liking but at least we put ourselves out there and made some new contacts with others and new situations/locales, etcetera. It's a rush , a thrill, exhilarating. I love it. I'm sure that it makes us younger, too or at least feel that way.
It's good to think about things just go beyond thinking and act upon whatever. Try new things, let yourself have a bit of suspense and fear. Fear should be harnessed and turned into good actions wherever possible. Don't let it hold you back. Try something for the first time, take that step forward or outside of your normal comfort zone. You may smile broadly, you may discover something truly marvelous that will stand as an example for many days or months, even years later.
You're at the crossroads just like me. Which way will you go, which way will you turn ? Go for it, you've only got your fear to lose until the next time. TONY
It matters so much that you act and yet you have to act with a sense of responsibility. That's what I don't see much of anymore in many aspects of life all around us. No one is to blame, no one is responsible, what they did could not have caused this or that, no way! They argue it well, convincingly and adamantly. Their acts were so small and insignificant in the scheme of things that they could not have been what resulted in causing such and such a situation. They should be both flogged and ashamed of such excuses. We're all responsible, everything we do impacts on others even if we do not realize it. People around us notice us and our actions are felt by them in some form or another : hopefully good. But we can't leave everything to chance and unattended.
It's one of my biggest pet peeves that we are rewarded for making and having money at whatever cost. We don't look deeply into it. We don't ponder it, we just see the persons and their money and what material possessions they have. We're happy to be invited out and entertained when someone else is paying and we tend to look the other way and rationalize and say that this one time won't matter/ won't make the difference. It does, it has, it has already shaped they way our culture has permitted many things to go unattended, unnoticed : swept under the carpet until the carpet gets so lumpy that someone inadvertently trip over it and hurts themselves. We end to sweep them under the carpet, too.
Life's grand, don't get me wrong. I'm an optimist and believe in the good of people. I want to see the good, to have it flourish and prosper. But people and their actions do need to be attended to : addressed by them and by us. We have to coexist in harmony and it sure would be nice if we could finally find a way to live in peace. What's all this killing about anyway ? Why are we always fighting physically and killing with guns and knives, arrows and pans ? Why all the violence?
Anyway, I think it's important to act and to reach out and to embrace the unknown, at least to some extent. That's how I hope to lead my life, how I have led it so far. We come up against some situations that are not to our liking but at least we put ourselves out there and made some new contacts with others and new situations/locales, etcetera. It's a rush , a thrill, exhilarating. I love it. I'm sure that it makes us younger, too or at least feel that way.
It's good to think about things just go beyond thinking and act upon whatever. Try new things, let yourself have a bit of suspense and fear. Fear should be harnessed and turned into good actions wherever possible. Don't let it hold you back. Try something for the first time, take that step forward or outside of your normal comfort zone. You may smile broadly, you may discover something truly marvelous that will stand as an example for many days or months, even years later.
You're at the crossroads just like me. Which way will you go, which way will you turn ? Go for it, you've only got your fear to lose until the next time. TONY
Thursday, April 24, 2008
When The Lights Go Down
Actually, it's when the lights go up or get more intense like spotlights. You blink, you cover your face and eyes, yo cower, you tend to shrink and retire. It's hard, especially late at night. I call it running and working and producing on empty. That's a good thing seeing and feeling so intensely now how high the cost of gas is. We'll have to be more self-propelled, more independent on our own me means of getting on and around. I don't mind. I only mind the loneliness and the glare of really late at night when everyone else sleeps really seems to weigh that much more on my shoulders and press the air from my loungs as if someone was sitting right on my chest. It's disquieting, frightening. To be alone is a scary thing. To feel it keenly is even scarier. I feel that way, isolated and abandoned to a large extent. Why? Why me ? What do I do to foster and encourage this? Am I my worst enemy? Am I being self-absorbed to such an abnormal extent that I'm also really self-destructive and rushing my death much more than it really needs? These are questions that loom before me now more than ever.
I'm not especially comforted by any of this. I'm glad that I'm aware of my personal ( is it unique ? ) situation and I plan to act and do something about it. Exactly how much good it will do, or harm I have no way of knowing. I can't be so concerned with that. I have to pay attention to the act of doing things, of reacting to situations especially my own and not hiding it or behind it. I'm past that time in my life.
It's an exciting time here in my life. I feel like I'm at many crossroads and I don't have a bloody clue where any of them will lead me. I'm not cowered by that. I'm ready for what I discover and will deal with it - as much of all of it as I possibly can at any given time. Even at night when I feel really squeezed and consticted. That's okay. I'm a survivor and I really want to live fully to the next moment to be able to continue and grow and smile and feel like I have a small bit of control on my life that's starting now as I type these thoughts that have just surfaced for me for the millionth time. I'm repetitive if I'm anything. Now I plan to turn any or all of this repetitiveness into moments that are good and helpful to me in leading the rest of my life with warmth and satisfaction as well as grist and grind and moments of utter despair and slashing/gashing/blood-letting times of feeling completely, supremely alone.
Chin up, it's just a moment, just a mood, it will pass and I will rise the next morning and smile and say to myself that I am blessed to be alive : and so very happy to be alive. TONY
I'm not especially comforted by any of this. I'm glad that I'm aware of my personal ( is it unique ? ) situation and I plan to act and do something about it. Exactly how much good it will do, or harm I have no way of knowing. I can't be so concerned with that. I have to pay attention to the act of doing things, of reacting to situations especially my own and not hiding it or behind it. I'm past that time in my life.
It's an exciting time here in my life. I feel like I'm at many crossroads and I don't have a bloody clue where any of them will lead me. I'm not cowered by that. I'm ready for what I discover and will deal with it - as much of all of it as I possibly can at any given time. Even at night when I feel really squeezed and consticted. That's okay. I'm a survivor and I really want to live fully to the next moment to be able to continue and grow and smile and feel like I have a small bit of control on my life that's starting now as I type these thoughts that have just surfaced for me for the millionth time. I'm repetitive if I'm anything. Now I plan to turn any or all of this repetitiveness into moments that are good and helpful to me in leading the rest of my life with warmth and satisfaction as well as grist and grind and moments of utter despair and slashing/gashing/blood-letting times of feeling completely, supremely alone.
Chin up, it's just a moment, just a mood, it will pass and I will rise the next morning and smile and say to myself that I am blessed to be alive : and so very happy to be alive. TONY
Buried In Wine Boxes !
Life is good, I'm creaking along as I've got a sore right kneww cap that decided to get out of sorts with the rest of me sometime two days ago here as I was typing the store wine email. I must have typed or stomped too hard here at my desk as inspiration, irritation, interuption, pause, reflection - as life passed through and around me : sometimes i harmony and other times not so much. What can you do ? I'm addressing the situation, had my body sit down and pause and a bit of conversation between the two of us as we worked to iron out our differences.
I want to be on vacation, again! I'm tired of the grind, the money grind. I'm fed up and had it with the stress. I'm taking it all to task! It will all have to answer to me, you bet! No more kidding around, no more looking the other way. It's time to ennact, react, surge, shine and shuffle - strut, gyrate - generate ... I'm feeling good about things. If I can just get through the next few days I will be all right. Gray's Anatomy, the premier of the t.v. show is on tonight and I get to watch that with my wife and son. His birthday's also on the horizon and he wants more than anything else to be able to text. We'll see. Who knows? That might become his big gift from us his parents.
Life is rich, full, intense with so much happening all the time. I really have to stop and focus and assess and look at my lists, make new ones to stay on some semblance of some track. I've never felt more charged or alive or full of feelings, thoughts, fragments of the above to impart, focus on, flesh-sketch out more. I'm doing a lot of this with words now but I know I will return to my pen, inks and pastels , watercolors soon. I can't wait !
I can't wait for life to happen! I'm so joyed, so enriched by spring and everything starting to happen now at almost full speed! It was slow-starting, things just slightly poked up, they just barely struck through the hardened dirt, they just barely unfurled and revealed their various green/white/delicated yellowed leaf-fleash pearls...
I'm struck still/to my spot by all this rebirth/growth of plants and flowers and trees, bushes. So many birds singing, so much commotion, Nature's symphony of varying emotions. What was once baren and start and brown is nor fleshed out in pastel colors and leafy yellows and greens. It's more than impressive.
I'm focused on my observations of all of this. I'm thrilled to be a spectator and with words, sketches and photos I think I'm just barely scrathching the surfaces of my intensely personal and fulfilling perceptions of all that's happening around little, insignificant, happy-to-be-alive me! It will also be grand to have our daughter back again with us soon. Life is rich.
Hope you enjoyed these strung-long words. Have a great spring warm, clear, breezy fresh day. Oh, by the way, I'm still buried in wine boxes but I'm beginning to see some order now as I get closer to displaying the wealth of glorious wines contained within each and every one of them. Heres' to you all, I raise my glass of white Grenache Spanish Catalan wine - from the CELLER EL MASROIG that I discovered yesterday with winemaker Carles Escobar here last night in the store. It blew me away - tastes like white burgundy. TONY
I want to be on vacation, again! I'm tired of the grind, the money grind. I'm fed up and had it with the stress. I'm taking it all to task! It will all have to answer to me, you bet! No more kidding around, no more looking the other way. It's time to ennact, react, surge, shine and shuffle - strut, gyrate - generate ... I'm feeling good about things. If I can just get through the next few days I will be all right. Gray's Anatomy, the premier of the t.v. show is on tonight and I get to watch that with my wife and son. His birthday's also on the horizon and he wants more than anything else to be able to text. We'll see. Who knows? That might become his big gift from us his parents.
Life is rich, full, intense with so much happening all the time. I really have to stop and focus and assess and look at my lists, make new ones to stay on some semblance of some track. I've never felt more charged or alive or full of feelings, thoughts, fragments of the above to impart, focus on, flesh-sketch out more. I'm doing a lot of this with words now but I know I will return to my pen, inks and pastels , watercolors soon. I can't wait !
I can't wait for life to happen! I'm so joyed, so enriched by spring and everything starting to happen now at almost full speed! It was slow-starting, things just slightly poked up, they just barely struck through the hardened dirt, they just barely unfurled and revealed their various green/white/delicated yellowed leaf-fleash pearls...
I'm struck still/to my spot by all this rebirth/growth of plants and flowers and trees, bushes. So many birds singing, so much commotion, Nature's symphony of varying emotions. What was once baren and start and brown is nor fleshed out in pastel colors and leafy yellows and greens. It's more than impressive.
I'm focused on my observations of all of this. I'm thrilled to be a spectator and with words, sketches and photos I think I'm just barely scrathching the surfaces of my intensely personal and fulfilling perceptions of all that's happening around little, insignificant, happy-to-be-alive me! It will also be grand to have our daughter back again with us soon. Life is rich.
Hope you enjoyed these strung-long words. Have a great spring warm, clear, breezy fresh day. Oh, by the way, I'm still buried in wine boxes but I'm beginning to see some order now as I get closer to displaying the wealth of glorious wines contained within each and every one of them. Heres' to you all, I raise my glass of white Grenache Spanish Catalan wine - from the CELLER EL MASROIG that I discovered yesterday with winemaker Carles Escobar here last night in the store. It blew me away - tastes like white burgundy. TONY
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Blogging Fresh Each Morning
It's quite a difference in the morning when you feel refreshed and your brain seems to be working clearly and speedily. Last night I had to ponder, to reflect, to collect more of my wits and my senses together before starting to blog. This morning it's clear and nice outside and I've already been out on my deck and read the Washington Post newspaper in part as well as enjoyed a breakfast. The birds and the chipmunks were all around a few feet away at our birdfeeder and I had already walked around the yard in my long midnight blue St. Johns Bay jammies and white t-shirt. Brazen, bold, not caring who would be watching if anyone. I wanted to survey my modest but MY domaine and see what had poked it's head up out of the ground with all the rain. This year will perhaps be our best year as we have now had ten years here in our house and I have actively gardened each and every year, dividing, transplanting, rearranging, realigning, assessing, studying, imagining the myriad of floral and patterns of shapes and textures, colors and possible successes throughout our whole yard with four sides to work with around our yard. It's daunting! If I did not pull myself back and take a break now and then I think I would go mad.
I love the multitude of colors, I love the combinations of plants. It's like an informal, patchwork or everything type of garden. I buy some things for sure but I trade and acquire as well. I'm interested primarily in perennials and I have spent ten years now trying to discover what will grow and flower where and well? It's no easy task. I get dirty and sweaty and often disoriented and near total breakdown where energies flag and I think I'll just melt off and seep into the ground around my feet with no one noticing. Oh well, it's all-engrossing and I do love that. I do feel a real part of the yard and I do love how I am slowly building a garden to be proud of. It's a full-time job, however, that's my biggest problem / hurdle. Right now I'm going upstairs to change and go outside and collect another two garbage cans of fallen warrior leaves to leave at the curb till the next pick-up. Back-breaking, slow, but it does get me to bend down ( I was sore yesterday because of this ) and look more closely at the ground and what's there. It humbles me and gives me a better sense of my place in this wonderful equation of life all around. I guess I could be spending time figuring how to make another and then another and then another - yes, dollar - but I don't. At least not all the little time I have left on this beautiful earth to interact and be a part of it and all it's shenanigans.
Do you all garden ? Inside, out ? Get dirty ? Sweat, curse, dream, lay down on your back and look around and up at the sky? TONY
I love the multitude of colors, I love the combinations of plants. It's like an informal, patchwork or everything type of garden. I buy some things for sure but I trade and acquire as well. I'm interested primarily in perennials and I have spent ten years now trying to discover what will grow and flower where and well? It's no easy task. I get dirty and sweaty and often disoriented and near total breakdown where energies flag and I think I'll just melt off and seep into the ground around my feet with no one noticing. Oh well, it's all-engrossing and I do love that. I do feel a real part of the yard and I do love how I am slowly building a garden to be proud of. It's a full-time job, however, that's my biggest problem / hurdle. Right now I'm going upstairs to change and go outside and collect another two garbage cans of fallen warrior leaves to leave at the curb till the next pick-up. Back-breaking, slow, but it does get me to bend down ( I was sore yesterday because of this ) and look more closely at the ground and what's there. It humbles me and gives me a better sense of my place in this wonderful equation of life all around. I guess I could be spending time figuring how to make another and then another and then another - yes, dollar - but I don't. At least not all the little time I have left on this beautiful earth to interact and be a part of it and all it's shenanigans.
Do you all garden ? Inside, out ? Get dirty ? Sweat, curse, dream, lay down on your back and look around and up at the sky? TONY
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The Act Of Reacting Spontaneously
It's a pretty amazing thing to be open to suggestion. It's always fascinated me that I can decide to write something and just like grasping something from thin air I find a starting point ! The next thing is always to find pen and paper. That's sometimes easier said than done. Also, it's always imperative that I do write certain things down. I don't want to forget them. I may not act upon them immediately but at least I've written something down to see later at some point so that I may roll it out over the pulp, the nooks and crannies of my brain and work with. I never have much of an idea where I am going with it. Is that ever really the important piece of the equation ? If I repeat the words or ideas over and over again in my head quickly, immediately I may stand a chance of later recollecting them. Often I don't win this battle with time and memory. It's a shame because I know that even if I don't know what I would have found that I would still have enjoyed very much going down set path with the beginning outline left by me for me with several words or so scratched rapidly on some piece of paper.
I think I've opened my whole body and existence to being as open as possible to outside suggestion and impressions. I believe in that whole-hearted-bodily-minded-guttedly! I want to have life sweep through me. I want to feel Nature all around me. I must or die! It must be true. I throw myself into everything, I hurl, I flail, I kick I shout, I cry I scream I burn brightly and get close to the fires I build both literally and mentally. I'll singe the hairs on my arm, on my head with few left to sacrifice in such manner.
I'm wanting to be beat up by my environment. It un-numbs me, it makes me feel when I feel the weight of life on me crushing and putting me to sleep - permanently. I'm not ready to be put to sleep permanently! I want to live so much more! I want to experience so much more. I want to be an active participant in life's adventures all around me. I just have to reach out, spread myself out and be caught up in their movement and activity. This is what is important to me.
I'm willing more and more to be burned and charred and thrashed/bashed around. I only have my opinion, only my point-of-view and yet I feel for whatever reason that I must express it and raise my voice for it to be heard. I'm fighting, I'm biting off a whole lot. I may not be saying things that will make me popular. People may wonder if I've lost it, my edge, my balance and yet I think by losing some of my balance that I'm alive once again.
It's so easy to be swallowed whole by the active life and voices of others and their opinions all around you. It's easy to let them sway you and your opinion. I don't want this happening any more to me. I don't want to forget what is important to me. I don't want to stop fighting for what I think is right and needs being said. I'm going against the grain. I'm showing sides and things that are unpleasant and controversial. This whole blog will have more and more of the unpopular and the controversial in it. This is not a nice blog for the faint of heart. I'm going to upset the status quo as I write. I want to think and use my brain and in doing so by writing what I'm thinking I hope to stir yours, too. Let's move together in parts on this. I hope you all speak up and respond.
Now I'm rambling some. I'm going around in larger circles as I collect myself and my thoughts and zero in on certain things. I'm way up high metaphorically in the sky looking down at me and my environment and making lots of mental notes. I'm preparing myself for the thoughts partial and fragmented that will come into my conscious. I can hardly wait : I'm really ready for all of this. I'm going to blog about different things : art, wine, food, love, romance, sex, nudity, relationships, responsibilities, community, and more. Just you all wait! This I hope will be a good forum for me. I hope I will be able to be truly expressive and open and revealing of myself, my instant thoughts and my piecing together so quickly for you all.
I'm all about gut feelings, gut responses, gut deep, quick and visceral and open and unvarnished, un-pretty, un-rehearsed. I don't want to have time to arrange them properly to make them pretty or pleasing or passionless. I want agony and joy and mercy and discovery and rawness and purity of first and most-important observations and experiences. I think they are the best. I don't want to be prejudiced. I don't want to be predisposed to think a certain way. I want serendipity in my life. I want and need and hunger for highs and lows and extremes in my reactions and experiences. I don't want to be always and completely safe. I want and need to have the sense of adventure with almost always one foot dangling outside the prescribed circle of home and safety and comfort.
Let's do this together. I want to say and start many things and see how you would change or finish them. I may know what or how I might have finished them but I most certainly want your input. It's key. I don't necessarily need your approval or agreement with me. We must always agree to accept each other even when we disagree. That's okay. I will add pictures and poetry and drawings at some point. I will break words apart, thoughts apart and reconnect them however I fancy. I will strive to be totally unconventional.
I'm just getting started. There will develop sections to this blog. It will take me awhile to get good at setting up the format and the pages and the areas that you may access. Things will all happen in good time. I will be a bit slower than many ; please have patience. I think you will be stimulated with what I include : parts of this blog will touch you and hopefully make you want to connect and respond to this site. Don't be afraid. I'm afraid and yet can't afford anymore to be afraid. It's already held me back way too long on certain things and I don't have any more time for it or it's foolishness and folly.
So here's to the beginning of a beautiful relationship in cyberspace together and alone all in one. TONY
I think I've opened my whole body and existence to being as open as possible to outside suggestion and impressions. I believe in that whole-hearted-bodily-minded-guttedly! I want to have life sweep through me. I want to feel Nature all around me. I must or die! It must be true. I throw myself into everything, I hurl, I flail, I kick I shout, I cry I scream I burn brightly and get close to the fires I build both literally and mentally. I'll singe the hairs on my arm, on my head with few left to sacrifice in such manner.
I'm wanting to be beat up by my environment. It un-numbs me, it makes me feel when I feel the weight of life on me crushing and putting me to sleep - permanently. I'm not ready to be put to sleep permanently! I want to live so much more! I want to experience so much more. I want to be an active participant in life's adventures all around me. I just have to reach out, spread myself out and be caught up in their movement and activity. This is what is important to me.
I'm willing more and more to be burned and charred and thrashed/bashed around. I only have my opinion, only my point-of-view and yet I feel for whatever reason that I must express it and raise my voice for it to be heard. I'm fighting, I'm biting off a whole lot. I may not be saying things that will make me popular. People may wonder if I've lost it, my edge, my balance and yet I think by losing some of my balance that I'm alive once again.
It's so easy to be swallowed whole by the active life and voices of others and their opinions all around you. It's easy to let them sway you and your opinion. I don't want this happening any more to me. I don't want to forget what is important to me. I don't want to stop fighting for what I think is right and needs being said. I'm going against the grain. I'm showing sides and things that are unpleasant and controversial. This whole blog will have more and more of the unpopular and the controversial in it. This is not a nice blog for the faint of heart. I'm going to upset the status quo as I write. I want to think and use my brain and in doing so by writing what I'm thinking I hope to stir yours, too. Let's move together in parts on this. I hope you all speak up and respond.
Now I'm rambling some. I'm going around in larger circles as I collect myself and my thoughts and zero in on certain things. I'm way up high metaphorically in the sky looking down at me and my environment and making lots of mental notes. I'm preparing myself for the thoughts partial and fragmented that will come into my conscious. I can hardly wait : I'm really ready for all of this. I'm going to blog about different things : art, wine, food, love, romance, sex, nudity, relationships, responsibilities, community, and more. Just you all wait! This I hope will be a good forum for me. I hope I will be able to be truly expressive and open and revealing of myself, my instant thoughts and my piecing together so quickly for you all.
I'm all about gut feelings, gut responses, gut deep, quick and visceral and open and unvarnished, un-pretty, un-rehearsed. I don't want to have time to arrange them properly to make them pretty or pleasing or passionless. I want agony and joy and mercy and discovery and rawness and purity of first and most-important observations and experiences. I think they are the best. I don't want to be prejudiced. I don't want to be predisposed to think a certain way. I want serendipity in my life. I want and need and hunger for highs and lows and extremes in my reactions and experiences. I don't want to be always and completely safe. I want and need to have the sense of adventure with almost always one foot dangling outside the prescribed circle of home and safety and comfort.
Let's do this together. I want to say and start many things and see how you would change or finish them. I may know what or how I might have finished them but I most certainly want your input. It's key. I don't necessarily need your approval or agreement with me. We must always agree to accept each other even when we disagree. That's okay. I will add pictures and poetry and drawings at some point. I will break words apart, thoughts apart and reconnect them however I fancy. I will strive to be totally unconventional.
I'm just getting started. There will develop sections to this blog. It will take me awhile to get good at setting up the format and the pages and the areas that you may access. Things will all happen in good time. I will be a bit slower than many ; please have patience. I think you will be stimulated with what I include : parts of this blog will touch you and hopefully make you want to connect and respond to this site. Don't be afraid. I'm afraid and yet can't afford anymore to be afraid. It's already held me back way too long on certain things and I don't have any more time for it or it's foolishness and folly.
So here's to the beginning of a beautiful relationship in cyberspace together and alone all in one. TONY
Blogging Is Crazy / For the Patient !
Blogging is so crazy and I've been pulling my hair out as I tried valiantly to get onto my old blog page this past weekend : AARRRGGGHHHH! What can I do, I'm not a computer person. However, there was light at the end of the tunnel this morning.
Our friend and customer walked here to buy a bottle of Tuscan extra virgin olive oil and together we said a collective AARRRGGGGHHHHH! And so to not bleed anymore metaphorically or physically we created a " new " blog page . SO : I start all over again! YES!!!!
So from now on I hope to blog/jog my memory and titilate my senses before it is too late. Join me. It's going to be the ride of my life I feel quite sure about that.
Take care, words of mine to touch you soon. TONY
Our friend and customer walked here to buy a bottle of Tuscan extra virgin olive oil and together we said a collective AARRRGGGGHHHHH! And so to not bleed anymore metaphorically or physically we created a " new " blog page . SO : I start all over again! YES!!!!
So from now on I hope to blog/jog my memory and titilate my senses before it is too late. Join me. It's going to be the ride of my life I feel quite sure about that.
Take care, words of mine to touch you soon. TONY
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